Lily Allen has opened up about a deeply painful moment in her life, revealing that she checked into a residential facility earlier this year after experiencing suicidal thoughts during the collapse of her marriage to David Harbour.
The Not Fair singer stepped away from her podcast in January and admitted herself to a residential treatment centre in the United States to address her “spiralling” mental health following her separation from the Stranger Things actor after four years of marriage.
In a new interview with British Vogue on Friday, Allen shared that it was the first time she had voluntarily sought help, explaining that she had reached a “very bleak” place.
"I've been into those places before against my will and I feel like that's progress in itself," she said. "That's strength. I knew that the things I was feeling were too extreme to be able to manage, and I was like, 'I need some time away.'"
When asked what was going through her mind at the time, the 40-year-old responded, "That I wanted to die."
The Smile singer also shared that the separation made her struggles with eating much worse and that she nearly relapsed as a way to numb the pain.
"The feelings of despair that I was experiencing were so strong. The last time that I felt anything like that, drugs and alcohol were my way out, so it was excruciating to sit with those (feelings) and not use them," said Allen, who has now been sober for six years.
To help herself process everything, Allen poured her emotions into music, writing an album in just 16 days in December 2024. Two of the songs are believed to reference Harbour’s alleged infidelity. She made it clear, however, that the songs should not be treated as “gospel” even though they were “inspired” by her marriage.
Reflecting on the relationship, Allen said that there were “lots of good things” too. She added, "My kids had an amazing experience living in America for five years, and I have a lot of compassion for my ex-husband. I think we all suffer."
Allen shares two daughters, Ethel, 13, and Marnie, 12, with her first husband, Sam Cooper.
Her fifth album, which has not yet been given a title, is expected to arrive later this year.
"I promise you we did everything we could," the singer said on stage in New York City.
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"I’m going to keep going and playing live for as long as I’m able to do it"
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